Awkward Biological Questions About Boys
by Allergic-To-Sunlight
Summary: HBP Missing Moment. The trio and Ginny are listening to the radio and Hermione voices some rather awkward concerns. Ginny disagrees. :P HG. First posted fanfic. One-shot.


Disclaimer: It's a tad obvious, isn't it…?

A/N: The song is called 'Rusted Guns of Milan' by Art Brut… lets just pretend that this song is in fact a wizarding song that makes fun of muggles and was out in 1997… yes, lets…

**Awkward Biological Questions About Boys**

It had been two full days since Harry Potter had kissed Ginny Weasley in full view of the entire Gryffindor common room and already the student body was immersed in this new piece of gossip: every girl asking Ginny what it was like to kiss _the_ Harry Potter (to which of course she gave no comment), over-excited people swapping stories of seeing them in the grounds at every turn and every male Slytherin insisting he never liked 'that Weasley girl' in the first place, simply because Harry Potter liked her too.

Even the teachers seemed to be interested in this portion of news, Slughorn, much to Harry's discomfort, even commenting in class that Harry and Ginny reminded him of Lily and James. Other teachers, not feeling the urge to comment within their class, showed their peaked interest in other ways; Professor Flitwick blinking back tears as he watched them walk hand-in-hand passed his classroom, McGonagall not taking as many house points as she would have when finding any other couple kissing in the hallway and Dumbledore winking at them as he passed in the corridor.

Despite sparking the teachers' interests, their homework load was by no means lighter, so it was an unusual occurrence to see the chairs by the fire occupied for any other reason than schoolwork.

Harry was sitting in his favourite armchair, sniggering loudly with Ginny lounging by his feet, flicking through a rather battered copy of _Quidditch: Through the Ages_ with a small smirk on her face. Hermione was sitting cross-legged on the adjoining scarlet sofa, clutching a large library book she used for bedtime reading, throwing Ron scathing looks as he almost fell off the other end of the sofa, laughing hysterically. Placed in between them on a low table was a small radio that Ron had tuned in to his favourite radio station. A slow, almost mournful tune was pouring out of it, the lyrics of which were sending Ron and Harry into peals of laughter.

_'- You're lying there,  
And you're beautiful.  
You're beautiful,  
And of course I want to  
Why wouldn't I?'_

Ron and Harry speaking along to the singer, both of them making gestures with their hands, caused Ginny to shake with unsuppressed laughter as she looked up from her book. A small smile could even be seen on Hermione's lips at the boys' antics, although she'd deny it later.

_'It doesn't mean I don't love you.  
One more try with me above you.'_

At this, the boys and Ginny broke into a new roll of laughter, Hermione's smile disappearing and a blush creeping it's way on to her cheeks.

'Honestly!' she muttered, going back to her book.

_'Leave the lights on!  
Leave the lights on!  
Leave the lights on for me.'_

The threesome were, once again, 'singing' along through their laughter. Many people were looking over now, some standing up to get a better view, trying to see what had caused three such well-known students to laugh so hysterically. Upon seeing it was only the radio, they sat down and looked away with disappointed expressions, telling their friends it wasn't worth the bother of getting up.

_'It's got nothing to do with anything I've had to drink,  
There's something wrong with the way I think.  
I know I can, I know I can,  
I'm fine when I am with my own hand.  
Never used my rusted gun of Milan.'_

As the final note played out, Harry sighed and fell back against the squashy cushions of his armchair, wiping tears of mirth from the corners of his eyes.

'I haven't laughed that much in ages.'

'Know what you mean,' replied Ron, who was still giggling feebly with his head lolling back against his own chair.

'What's wrong Hermione?' a grinning Ginny asked her best friend, who was looking disgustedly at the radio as if it had just called her a very nasty swear word.

'It's implying that every male does it,' she said, continuing only after seeing the confusion playing on all three of her friends faces 'You know,' she sighed '_'__I'm fine when I am with my own hand'_, it's sending out the completely wrong message!'

'It's not meant to _send out a message_ – it's a song!' said an incredulous-looking Ron.

'Yeah, Hermione. It's not meant to be some sort of… Shakespearean literature, it's just a song,' answering Ron and Ginny's blank looks, Harry continued, 'Shakespeare is a famous muggle writer.'

Ron and Ginny nodded, accepting this new piece of information.

'Besides, every guy does do it, so there's no _wrong_ message to send out,' Ginny added, wanting to pick up on her friends real concern since her boyfriend and brother didn't want to, not that she could blame them.

'That's just a stereotype!' Hermione persisted, but before she could go on, Ginny cut her off.

'No, Hermione, it's not. Remember, I live with boys. I know what goes on inside their heads and I know what goes on inside our bathroom – we only have one after all.'

At this Ron significantly paled and Harry snorted with laughter, to which Hermione shot him a dirty look that sobered him up at once.

'But not _every_ guy does it – there must be some exceptions!'

'Yeah! Old men and boys that haven't gone though puberty yet, and even then it's touch and go!' Ginny said hotly.

'But there has to be other exceptions -'

'What are you going to do – carry out a survey! Yeah, that'll go nicely: 'Hello, how are you? Tell me, when was the last time you wanked?!''

Ron choked on his own saliva and sent Harry a terrified look across the conversation they were witnessing.

'Ginny!' Hermione scolded, blushing, 'Of course not! I was just saying -' but what she _was _just saying, no one ever found out, because Ginny cut across her again.

'Well why don't you just start here? We're with guys right now! Harry -' she started, twisting around so she could see him.

Harry groaned and grimaced in anticipation for what he knew would happen next.

'- When was the last time you wanked – or do you wank at all?' there was an almost feral look in her eye that made Harry want to whisk her away to some secluded part of the castle and snog her for all he was worth, or jump off the Astronomy Tower – anything but answer the question at hand.

With a blush adorning his pale cheeks, he cast a helpless look at Ron, who looked back at him pityingly, but otherwise refusing to help.

'Well?' Ginny prompted, a smirk gracing her lips.

In an act of pure desperation, Harry leant down and captured her lips in a searing kiss, barely hearing Ron's distinct yelp in the background. When they finally broke apart, he was met with Ron's scowling face.

'We are in a public place.'

'You refused to help me!' Harry retorted, 'It's your own fault!'

'Shut up, Ron!' said Ginny, putting an end to their childish bickering, 'And anyway, Hermione – I told you I was right!'

'How do you know you were right, Harry didn't even answer the question?!'

'He would've answered if the answer was no. And anyway, guys have to do it, otherwise they have wet dreams, I'd have thought you'd have known that Hermione.' Ginny said matter-of-factly, sending Hermione a calculating look as she stood up and laid her previously discarded book on the table, 'Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to snog my boyfriend somewhere a little more private.'

Ignoring Ron's protests of 'not needing to know everything she does with his best friend', she grabbed Harry's hand, pulling him up out of his armchair so he towered over her.

Winking at him she said, 'Lets give your rusted gun of Milan something to think about, eh?'

**The End**

A/N: Hope you enjoyed my little piece of insanity - that song just sparks too much in my imagination! XD It would be nice if people would review, but don't if you don't want to. Constructive criticism appreciated.


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